I can do this?

~ my dream ~


I can't do this.
Those were the words I kept telling myself, as I prepared myself to walk onto the stage.
I was being beat up. Mentally beat up.
A voice inside my head that kept telling me "You are never going to be able to do this, your going to fail."
I fiddled with my hands, and took a deep breath.
"You can do this, I believe in you." I heard a voice behind me whisper.
I tried to slow down my thoughts and rearrange them, to get my facts straight.
Whats the worst that could happen? I mess up, people stare at me, then I run to my room and become a hermit. Not that bad. Right?
"Are you almost ready?" The stage manager asked.
"Sure." I replied, almost whispering.
Don't mess up, don't mess up. Everybody is watching, if you mess up it will-
I decided to stop talking to myself, it could only make things worse.
"Please help me." I silently prayed, as I heard my name being called.
I slowly dragged myself up onto the platform, preparing myself to pass out.
I grabbed the mic and stared at all the eyes that were boring into my soul.
Closing my eyes, words started flowing out of my mouth.
My eyes opened.
I looked around and realized that I could do it. I can do it!
A sudden burst of confidence shot through me.
The crowd started clapping.
I walked off stage, feeling something I couldn't explain. I could do it.

      My biggest fear - People and Failing. Okay people, failing, and pain. People and failing work together though. Like getting up in front of people and doing some thing that you could mess up in. School, Music, Sports, and My life in general. It all consists of having a chance to fail in front of people. Basically I struggle with nerves. Honestly people never really bring me down. Its me. I bring my self down. I get so nervous, that I cause myself to mess up. I cause myself to miss an opportunity that I could have grasped. Its all because of me. That means that only I can push back all those voices and say. 'I can do it.' 

                                                       push back the voices // only believe

I am back!

Back? I didn't even know you were gone.
 Umm....
Awkward silence.

Yes. I was gone. Where to? Carowinds!
 You probably don't know what that is. It is a roller coaster park! And a water park! :)
One fact about me. I am afraid of roller coasters! Well.. I was afraid.
 I got over my fear when I forced myself on the biggest roller coaster in the southeast.
The Intimidator! *Dramatic music. Dun dun dunnnn!*
 Now I can say. "I'm a roller coaster person." *Me walking forward, with an explosion behind me!*
Want to know the best part? In the picture for the Intimidator. I had my arms up and I was smiling.
I AM EPIC! XD
 Not really.
Also a reason I have not been blogging.. Is because I am writing. Not like on here, but like a book ( in a way. ). I love to write, but I don't know much about writing. Any tips would be helpful. ;)

I am determined to post every day until school starts! With a few exceptions.
I have a lot of ideas and inspiration to write.. But I can never find the right words to type it in. Haha! :D
 Please follow THIS blog! She is absolutely Fantabulous! Because amazing is not fit for the Storyteller!
She is going to be revealing her name at 150 followers! She is so close to her goal!

Basically... That's it. My weirdness has come to an end. *Every body claps*

 Ps. I just realized how many times I used an exclamation mark!

out of reach

those things that seem so out of reach

out of our hands
out of our abilities
they take our dreams
to a whole new reality
its the laugh
its the smile
the way you make it seem like i've been happy for a while
your so out of reach
but so close to me
a whole new chapter of my life
an escape from all the stress and strife
if i just believe
i can see the beauty in the chaos of the world
its a whole new light
i try to strive
while every thing around me is a whirl wind
if i work hard
i can do the things that seem so out of reach
but i know they are not out of my abilities

If you keep on trying those things that were just dreams can become reality.

Don't ever tell your self you can't. It may seem out of reach, but its not out of your abilities. If you keep on going you will make it.

                                 

                                     keep on trying // its in your reach

invisible pain

I looked down at the little face that stared up at me.
"Why do we all hurt?" she asked.
"Its just a part of life.." I replied trying to answer the best I could.
"You don't look like you hurt." 
"Now that.. That's invisible pain."
"Invisible pain.. Whats that?" she said, with a curious look in her eyes.
"Invisible pain is when you hurt, but you choose to keep it to your self. Maybe so you don't bother other people, or maybe because you feel that its not important."
"Is it important?"
"All pain is important.. because it could hurt that person more then that same thing would hurt another.  Invisible pain hurts the worse, because you keep holding all the pain inside you and it just builds up."
"So why don't you just let it out?" she said smiling, because she had found the answer.
"Honestly I don't know.." I replied, thinking about the question that the little girl had asked.

I am the type of person who could be hurting emotionally and no one would know. Unless you read me very well, and even if someone knows.. I just try and brush it off like its no big deal. All pain matters. Even if its small, if you hold it in it can build to something bigger. It may seem like invisible pain, but its not invisible.

                                                     || Life updates ||

I found out I have laryngitis. Yup. That is something that was not on my bucket list.. My throat is on fire.
 My voice is practically a whisper, so when people can't hear me and I try to talk louder I sound like a braying donkey.. So I will be writing a little bit more that usual.. :) Because normally when I write, I write the way I talk.. With different tones for different sentences. That does make it confusing sometimes.. And now I can't even sing around the house or in the shower!!! Probably the worst part. Haha! :D Plus I can't laugh. Oh well.. At least I can laugh on the inside! LOL! XD Have a great laryngitis free day! :)

Kittens and updates.

sorry.. pictures of my kitten.

 Awesome updates:

   I named my kitten scribbles. I just felt like that fit. She is all over the place like a scribble!
  We took her to the vet and she is pretty healthy.
  Oh my word!!! I have 50 followers!!! I want to thank all of you so much.. I could have never gotten where I am with out you. <3
  I saw despicable me 2. Simply hilarious. ITS SO FLUFFY!!!! *Cough. back to business.*

Slightly devastating updates:

 I have a cold in the Summer. Ironic? -.-
Scribbles has a cat flu. she is sneezing and shivering like crazy.
EVERYBODY IS GETTING SICK!?!?! Umm.. caps lock?
Summer is halfway over.. Or half way started?

I know this is weird.. but I am honestly going t start school in like 2 weeks. By my own choice!
My sister thinks I am losing it... I am normally used to like a month of summer break, if that.
Having the whole summer off is killing me! No schedule. No order. No anything.
Don't get me wrong. I love summer!!! I just want to get back to school..... I have done a lot of stuff this summer! but I want something that I have to do every day instead of just 'going with the flow'.

 I guess that's enough rambling for now. :)
 Have a great day!

everyone has a story.

everyone has a story
 to share or to keep.
some choose to tell it to the world.
 while others keep it close and dear.
every one has a story
 whether great or small.
a story is a treasure 
 given to us by god.
its the way that we brighten up some ones life.
 through some words that speak of happiness.
its a gift that use for sad and dreary days.
 or save as a close memory.
basically a story is where we make a dream come true.
 through words.
taking people to other worlds
to long lost treasure
or a secret database.
its a thought or dream that makes its way
 to someones heart.
every one has a story.
 so why not tell yours, or save it for another time?
                        
                                           share your story // change a life

kitten.

Ever since I was little I have wanted a cat, but everyone on my family is allergic to them except me.
My sister has her dog, my mom has her chickens, and I had a little bit of thread as my pet. -.-
 Yesterday we went to go to mcdonalds.. Well.. We stoped by the kill shelter. I thought that we were just going to look at the price of a kitten.. No, we got one!! I officially have a cat! It was so hard to choose, because there were so many kittens in there crying and trying to get adopted. Just thinking about it makes me cry.. All the animals in there only have a week, and then *capust.* umm.. you know dead.
Its is so sad... I wish I could have gotten all of them in my arms, held them, petted them, and showed then that they are loved.. *sniffs, runs and grabs tissue.* Anyways.. I guess you could say I saved my kitten from death. *smiles.* :)
  Meet the newest member of our family! *Cough. Cough. My kitten.*

Isn't she adorable?
 I didn't get to many pictures.. Do you know how hard it is to get a kitten to stay still? Hard.
She is a tabby cat, and super rambunctious! but she also likes to just lay down in your lap and relax.
 I am having a super hard time deciding what to name her...
Here is what I have come up with so far.

truffles
sprinkles
waffles
skittles
marbles
scribbles

Okay, so most of them are food.. But come one they are cute!
 Which name do you like best? I need help! Do you have any name ideas?
I really like the ones sprinkles and scribbles! :)

don't wait to long.

i waited to long.
the door i longed to be open now was closed.
i never thought this day would come.
where my fear over came my intuition.
the opportunity was there.
it was so close i could grasp it.
but i could not bear.
the thought of failing or losing what i loved most.
i thought i could do it.
i thought i could practice every day.
so when the time came i was ready for what ever came my way.
but now the door that was open.
it has been shut.
just because i was afraid of a few scrapes or cuts.
an opportunity of soaring through the sky.
i could have done it.
but i was to afraid to try.
the chance now is gone.
i waited to long.

  I have had so many opportunity's where I could have done it, but I was to afraid to try. Does that ever happen to you? Or is it just me?
Me being afraid. waiting to long.
 There will be a time when my question Why? over comes my doubts and fears.
Why am I truly doing this? If that is strong enough then all the fears in the world can not move you.
Because you know within you that you have a god and you have a reason.
There will be times when there is not reason, and all you will have is a thread of faith.
But if you keep holding on to that one little bit of hope or faith.
You will succeed, because there is nothing that can stand against you.
You have a god who can pull you through anything.

                           

                          go through the door while its open  // you have a reason  // you have a god

always love.

always love.
be free.
don't let hate become your enemy.
let your love become your words.
let your words become your actions.
just love.
and dream.
soar and be free.
love.

                                                              always love // be free

Its the 4th.

the smiles

the laughs

the lights

the noise

the beauty

the freedom 

I look around trying to find a good place to sit before the fireworks start.

As I sit on the grass I start clutching my ears anxiously waiting for the first fire work.

"Psst. Why are you plugging your ears?"

    "Ugh. Do I have to go over this every time?"

"I guess so.."

"Okay, ever since I was little I have hatted loud noises. Especially fireworks."

"Oh, so you don't like fire works?"

"Did I say that? No. I love fire works! I hate the noise."

"Ah.. That makes sense."

I start to sigh.

'Boom'

I plug my ears harder. Its so beautiful.

A celebration of our freedom.

And array of lights for our country.

'Bam'

I try and see if its not that loud.

Unplugging my ears..

 'BOOM'

Okay that didn't work, I say to myself.

I sit in awe of the splendor that surrounds the sky.

After the fire works I race over and eat some cake.

I look around.

Little kids running with dangerous sparklers.

But yet its gorgeous.

I grab a sparkler and sit on the steps.

The sun has set.

The fire works are going on.

The cake is calling me.

Everything is so simple yet so complex.

Families laughing together.

Its the 4th.

embrace the light // behold the boom

I dream.

I dream.. For sunny days. crashing waves upon a sandy shore.

 Of laughs and love. Dreams, Smiles, and hugs. 

I wish.. For longer days and shorter nights. So the people that

are left there crying will see light.

I want.. World wide peace. But I believe that starts with me..

 Making a change in my life.

I dream.. That we are all a puzzle piece. with out one the puzzle is not complete.

I wish.. Of daises swaying in the breeze. A sweet little melody.

I want.. A moment of peace and serenity. So that my heart can fully fly free.

I dream.. For lovely years, filled with you right here. By my side.

 Of happiness sent in a little box. A trinket of my heart that's lost to you.

And I just want to let you know. That I have not forgotten. The way you showed

me more of life. More of hope. More of me.

I believe.. that dreams can be full filled, if we try to love, try to learn. That we all have a will to dream. So let your thoughts become your words, and your words become you actions. Let your life be a living example of who you are inside. 

    I know this doesn't make sense.. But its a jumble of words that mean something to me.

             dream on // live your life <3

I see.. July.

I see..

 fireworks.

laughter.

families together.

around a bonfire.

I see..

 swimming and cookouts.

 park trips and luaus.

sprinklers.

ice cream.

friendships and lots of sweets

I see..

 late nights.

followed by big surprise.

camping trips in side your living room.

looking at the stars.

picnics. and sunburns.

trampolines and life turns.

as your half way through summer

I see..

 sweet good byes.

a bunch of board games and sleeping outside

fireflies.

teasing us to catch them with there bright lights.

taking a couple breaths of your lovely life.

I see..

 vacations with families.

 great get togethers.

 taking a chance on the weather.

I see..

 hugs.

 and kisses too.

 as the worlds trying to tell you that you are loved.

 you've got all this time.

 so make it right.

live like its the last day of your life.

I see..

 July.

Happy canada day! :)